Do I Believe in God?

I’m sure Mom worried about that question a lot. Yes, I grew up going to church and Sunday school regularly. Unfortunately for Mom, we were members of the United Church of Christ when I was growing up. The “slogan” on the church logo says “That they may all be one.” When I was younger, I delighted in telling people I was a “protesting protestant,” and questioned everything and everyone. Guess I still do, in many respects. I had a great time when I was in a philosophy of religion class in college and asked the adult Sunday school people at church if God was inherently good, or whether “evil” would be “good” if God had defined it that way...Yeah, I know, kind of ridiculous.

I remember asking many times if a person was a good person, but didn’t belong to whatever particular religion was seen as the “right” one, did that good person have a chance of going to heaven? The answer was always the same: people only get to heaven if they belong to the “right” religion. It never made sense to me. Why would God be the consummate game player? I had this image in my head of an old guy with long white hair and beard, sitting on a throne, plotting: “OK, I’ll put this guy down there and start this religion, and see what happens.” “OK, that was interesting, but what would happen if I send this other guy, and start this other thing?”

I know, irreverent. What can I say?

Another thing I could never quite get my head around is, why, if God is all knowing and powerful, would He find it necessary for the human race to sit around, singing his praises all the time? Does God have a strange sense of humor, or a huge ego? Why would He need humans, anyway? For amusement? (I know, it’s not politically correct to use a masculine pronoun for God, but when I think “God,” I think something totally outside the realm of human understanding, so one pronoun really doesn’t cover Him, anyway. I don’t sweat it.) I just don’t understand the “why” He created humans. Particularly considering some of the ones I’ve known over the years.

You know another question that always hangs out in the back of my head? Does any one religion encompass everything that is God? If God is truly more magnificent than the human mind can imagine, does He fit in any one religion box?

What if...every religion has part of the “truth?” That’s where I get back to the “That They May All Be One” concept.

When I left Illinois, I left the United Church of Christ. Not because I had any philosophical issues with the church, but because I was in a new place and my sister attended a United Methodist church. I went with her for a while, primarily because I love to sing, and a church choir is one of the places a crazy alto can find to sing. I have to say, I would do better with churches if I didn’t have to deal with the people. I don’t understand church politics. Maybe the answer for me to be able to happily sing in a church choir would be to not talk to the other people? I thought not.

So, yes, I gave up attending church a few years back. Will I ever go back? I can hear Mom up there, telling me I should, but I don’t know.

Back to the original question. Do I believe in God? I believe there is a higher power. I believe the order created around us and in us didn’t just happen. I’m not sure what “His” real name might be, or what form He takes. Maybe He is that beautiful sunrise. Maybe He is that beautiful song the birds sing. Maybe He is that beautiful forest. Maybe He is the smile on that stranger across the room. Maybe we just haven’t figured out yet that we cannot define Him or put Him into one neat little religion box, no matter how hard we try.